If this is love - then why do i feel so... scared, confused, ashamed, bad, loney, trapped?

Does this sound like you?

What can you do if your relationship is going wrong?

Healthy relationships are brilliant.  When someone really cares about you they:

  • Respect your feelings, your opinions, your friends
  • Accept your saying "no" to things you don`t want to do (like sex)
  • Respect your wishes if you want to end the relationship

They help you feel:

  • Valued
  • Good about yourself and the things that you do
  • More confident about the choices you make

It might not always be perfect, but when you disagree you work things through together

RESPECT - RESPECT - RESPECT

YOU DESERVE RESPECT

It can be hard to accept that your relationship may be abusive. You may still love or care for your partner and it may not be horrible all the time. Or you may feel very afraid to do anything which might upset them.

YOU NEED TO KNOW:

  • Abuse is very common.
  • Abuse usually gets worse, not better.
  • Abuse can take many forms (emotional, sexual, physical, verbal)
  • Some abuse may be consciously deliberate and calculated. 
  • Some abuse may be carried out unconsciously and unthinkingly.
  • Abusers can be jealous and possessive.
  • Abuse can be controlling who your friends are, who you spend time with, and accusing you of being unfaithful if you spend time without them. 
  • Abuse can be controlling how you spend your time and money.
  • 60% of domestic abuse victims are female, but that still means that 40% of victims are male.
  • Many abusers attempt to justify their actions, isolate you, pressure you, or make it seem like it's as much your fault as theirs.
    • "It's your fault, you made me angry!"
    • "It's your fault for dressing like that!"
    • "We both know you want this."
    • "Everybody else is doing it."
    • "This is our secret. You can't tell anyone. They'll think you're dirty."
    • "You call yourself a man!"
    • "Nobody would believe you if you told them."
    • "I'll kill myself (or you) if you leave me."
    • "I'll hurt people you love if you tell anyone."
  • Female abusers may use physical violence themselves, then accuse their male victims of being abusers should they retaliate or restrain them.
  • Many times abusers will apologize, promise to change, and use an excuse like: "It's only because I love you so much". The cycle will often repeat though. 
  • It's not your fault.
  • You`re not responsible for your partner's behaviour.
  • You can get help.
  • IDEAS TO HELP YOU FEEL STRONGER:

    • Do things YOU enjoy.
    • Spend more time with other friends/family.
    • Write down your feelings, things that happen.
    • Listen to music with lyrics that make you feel stronger.
    • Pay attention to your gut instincts.
    • Use your head. Are you trapped in an abusive cycle?
    • Be proud of how you`ve managed so far.
    • Believe it`s not your fault.

    Check out the links page - click onto Childline and look at their relationship page for lots of help and support.

    This NEW site aims to tackle the issues of abuse and violence in teenage relationships. 

    http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/

    Domestic abuse it not just an issue for adults, but also for teenagers. ChildLine receives around 3,000 contacts a year from young people about this issue.

    "Teenage years are difficult at the best of times but a lack of experience in relationships and issues with self-confidence can mean young people feel they have nowhere to turn. Many victims, as well as perpetrators, come from abusive homes themselves and therefore don't realise how wrong these kind of relationships are.
     
    "We strongly support these changes for young people who have suffered physical or emotional abuse and urge anyone in abusive relationships, male or female, to come forward and seek help. The NSPCC's young ambassadors are helping the Home Office to make sure these changes make a real difference for young people.
    The new definition of domestic violence and abuse now states:
    Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour,  violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse: psychological; physical; sexual; financial; emotional.

    "Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.
     
    "Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim." *

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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